


rosé from a brownie tin

by mythbusterposey



Series: Drunken Reylo [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, author thinks she's hemingway, severely unedited drunken drabbling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:03:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythbusterposey/pseuds/mythbusterposey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>honestly i don't even remember what happened last night, i was on the reylo chat group and i was SUPER about the vodka, and I guess I was writing reylo drabbles the whole night, these are them, i'm leaving them raw unedited and unformatted so you all can get the full experience of my drunken fanfic writing. godspeed</p>
            </blockquote>





	rosé from a brownie tin

**Author's Note:**

> update: upon careful consideration that had nothing to do with my water bottle of pedialyte i have rearranged them from the previously "most drunk to least drunk" to "least drunk to wasted", and added in a few more things unearthed in the chat

prompt: kylo is a cocky navy pilot, rey is a spunky enlisted sailor in the shithole of shitholes, Pensacola Florida

he was an officer. she knew she shouldn't have been at the officer's club. the fake CAC had left her an opening too tempting to dismiss. but he made her laugh and she'd lied her way in, beyond the logic of her own senses. he called her "ma'am" but she told him to call her "rey" within thirty minutes. she was no equal of his, she was of no higher rank. but the way he looked at her made her feel like the true ruler of the world, like he was hers to order about, like she was his to please. she doesn't dare speak truth about him, the one scrap of sense she clings to guarding her heart of hearts. somehow, amongst the desolate boredom of the city about them, he makes her feel like he has flown her to the moon. god knows he wants to fuck her there and back.

* * *

prompt: revolutionary war au kylo is turncoat british spy and rey is a tavern girl by night rebel sniper by day

"you still want to kill me" he murmurs, her rifle at his throat. his body betrays him with his arousal, as he steps forward, into her space, the barrel of his rifle pointed below his prominent jaw. her strong glare only served to further his interest, his mind clouded with ale. but through the fog of his inebriation, he could still feel that traitorous fondness for her. he couldn't let her be killed, even in death he knew he would be reborn a poltergeist, haunting those who dare harass her at the tavern and on the battlefield. he would protect her, always, even if that meant his own demise at her hands.

* * *

prompt: auror kylo ren/herbologist rey harry potter au

the conference was a disaster to begin with. owls shitting everywhere, spells gone awry. she wishes she could just go home to her cat and her fire and her tea. she decides to escape to the rabble. a conference for european magic teachers. hah. what a joke. she's joined at the bar by some already-drunk defense against the dark arts professor, who looks at her and tells her that his words are laced with veritaserum and he shouldn't be trusted. "well maybe I should find a table" "i'd rather your eyes be nearer to me." he says. she doesn't quite know how to respond. "h-how did you find yourself imbibed with veritaserum?" "it's a long boring story, one i much rather would hide from you than tell you. by the end of it your eyes might stray from me." he answers simply. "but i feel..." he grabs her hand. "that i would stand a better chance of spending the night with you if i kept my mouth shut." she laughs out loud at that. "you may be right."

* * *

prompt: curmudgeonly hermit kylo ren/rey in some lake setting idk

the general store seems to be the local haunt. she doesn't feel like interacting with the locals just yet. her social skills aren't quite up to par. jakku had ben a town of 58 people, and arkanis was a city in comparison. though covered in trees, she still felt the same loneliness she had cherished whilst in the desert. so she avoided the general store, instead choosing specialty stores. when she came upon the timber store, she was surprised to meet someone she connected with. kylo ren, or as his manager called him, ben, was quiet and quirky when he spoke. despite the backwoods filter of the town's general population, he spoke with a reserved elegance that she was drawn to. she only discovered the sonnet he'd penned when she was unpacking her order of paint and nails. maybe it scared her, and maybe it inspired her. but the fact of the whole matter was that she slipped her own response back when she paid for her next order of supplies.

* * *

prompt: reylo college au

they both had the same shifts, which made for an interesting time at the pizza place. he was always trying to beat her in speed, but she was competing for quality. she just wanted to make things right. that's all she wanted. in her interview, she'd revealed her biggest weakness was that she was a perfectionist. he only knew this because he'd stolen the tape. in his own interview, he'd been asked the same; however, he'd said he regretted not doing more in eery aspect of his life. that'd made her sad when he'd rifled through his own interview tape. he wanted her, she wished she could want him, could have the surety that he carried himself with when he flirted with her every shift. when she showed up one friday evening with alarmingly dark rings under her eyes, and most of their coworkers complaining about finals, he'd sent her to the back to sleep. a week later when he overheard her bragging about her 98% on her biology final, he let himself think that it was worth it to argue with her. she never complained about him being promoted to shift manager, when she graduated with honors. but she left with her head held high, diploma in one hand, and her two-weeks notice in the other, when he'd never made a move forward with her. it's no secret that rey was the true inspiration of the Heartbreaker Special when she left.

* * *

prompt: successful scholarship athlete rey/failed scholarship athlete kylo ren

she rented from him, that's all it was. their bodies moved together in the way epic love stories would praise for pages, leaving her peers feeling empty as she would feel full, empowered, strengthened. She would walk to class with an absurd amount of confidence, would go through the grueling motions of practice, in fencing and in judo and in volleyball, each season, but would come to him with renewed energy, fucking him into the next galaxy. he would bring her to her orgasm so quickly it made her head spin, but she would rather die than admit she minded. when he'd started getting distant around the time baseball season started tryouts and conditioning, she would stay longer, just to talk and get him through the night. she knows his Tommy John surgery haunts him at night, knows his father loathes him for it. But they both pretend that sometimes she's no better than him, and he no worse than she. their infatuation lays somewhere between pity and lust, and neither mind.

* * *

prompt: kindergarten teacher kylo ren/babysitter rey

she loves taking care of people. she's lucky enough to get paid for it. she sits at her rented minivan in the kindergarten circle, operating on three hours of sleep thanks to her first job, air traffic controller intern. it's a twelve hour shift, six days a week, but she manages to make time an hour in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, to watch over five children she loves dearly. when all the other cars have gone and she is the only one left in the pickup circle. she parks, worry pitting in her stomach, and approaches the classroom. she escapes the hot april sun outside into the equally-bright, eternally-cooler classroom where "her" kids usually sprint from. "hello?" she asks the vibrant walls, the reverb hitting her like a brick. she frowns. how could a place for children be vacated so quickly? "i'm back here!" a deep voice calls. she follows, inexplicably entranced, until she finds herself before a figure at least a foot taller than her, furiously washing his hands in a sink. his hair is pushed back behind his rather large ears, and his shoulders are hunched greatly as he washes his hands. "I'm...I'm here for Jasen, Jaeda, and Ben?" she manages to say. At the last name, he turns to look at her. "Those three exactly went home today for an unexplained illness." he says. She's stunned by both his statement and his face. though unconventional, she finds herself unexpectedly attracted to him. Usually it takes a drink or two, when she can spare it, but she knows herself well enough to admit that she wouldn't mind those plump lips on hers. "Their parents didn't contact me." she says, stubborn and protective to no end. He stands to his full height, and she sees a glimpse of why "her" kids seem to like Mr. Ren so much. "It all happened less than an hour before schools' end." he explains. "If you could show your credentials, I..." "That won't be necessary." she says, blushing despite her own immediate hatred of the man. He enchants the children she cares for, and a dark part of her mind makes her wonder how he could take care of /her/.

* * *

prompt: someone said glass casserole dish

rey drinks her wine out of her glass casserole dish, and kylo out of the rice cooker pot. they look at each other, their brand new wedding rings  gleaming in the light of their brand new home,  and they laugh for hours, somehow escaping the means of which they arrived there. there's still a  brownie tin of rosé to drink though.

* * *

 

[whiskey happened here]

 

hux' birthday gift to kylo:: gordon ramsay cooking lessons/fucking lessons

pls kylo would love being yelt atl

 

au where kylo has multilple piercings from every important person in his life

and he knows when eeverty person is in pain or danger via te piercing

fuck i'm cruing

 

* * *

prompt: swimming?????? girl kylo?????

more exact motivations: i can do no penetration ben/luke watch me

he was stritct  on her, but she hardly remembered her cying fits to her parents, and  in fact begged her  to continue hux'' training. she swam every goddamn  day, even when she ached through her peiod and

 

**Author's Note:**

> bonus round
> 
> hemingway-esque fun, i called the love of my life 8 times last night and also wrote these bits of gold:
> 
> "i love him as fiercely as the sea to the shore, but he knows my love as the desert knows a rainstorm"
> 
> the only thing i know for sure right now is that i love him, and that all my worries are a figment of an inconsequential imagination
> 
> my  bff  left  wiskey for me
> 
> jean jestroyed  the world with  what we found
> 
> 0v cbv((what htedych fuckckkk iM  d\o  dfunk
> 
> ressler  ewajtts to fuck  trun before  keen
> 
> regret i s  for  yhe  sober


End file.
